I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
