operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
