I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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