Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
