i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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