Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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