So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
