Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
