I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
