I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
