I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize
