Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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