He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
