Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
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