I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
More tranny stories later!
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
