I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize
