I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
