she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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