the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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