Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
