He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
