I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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