Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
