i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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