hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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