# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
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