i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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