im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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