if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
We talked him into tasing himself.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
