The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
