Banned from zoo.
Again?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
