just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
