I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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