Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I just want to make out with him forever
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
