what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
