I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
