Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
