I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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