I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
