I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
