my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Randomize
