Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I've blown a few things in my day
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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