I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
