chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
