Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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