I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
