I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
