I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Come on in and take your pants off
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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