Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Randomize
