i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
