Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
